Ever since I was young I have had self esteem issues. I don't know why, I'm just not confident in myself. I don't like who I am because I never live up to my own expectations. I rip myself to pieces.
Then tonight as I answered a phone call from my mother I realized that it's not just me that's shredding myself apart. The first words to come out of my dear mothers mouth were "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU LITTLE BITCH!!"
I had just got back to school from a field trip and hadn't talked to her in a day. Those were the words she chose to greet me with.
That's not the first time she's said things like that to me. I remember one time she told me that no college would ever accept a lazy bitch like me. I know that she never means these things when she says them. She's always drunk when her tongue slips. But it's always things like that that stay stuck in my mind. like "If my own mother doesn't like me then why should I"?
I don't know what the point of writing this was..I'm sorry for being so depressing..